3 Things I Said in Client Sessions Lately

Ever wonder what goes on in a therapy session and what therapists actually say to their patients? Patients come in with a certain idea of what a therapist can provide to them or what they want from treatment. In today’s outcome-driven world, many come to therapy wanting results, or at the very least, to be given guidance, advice, or a professional opinion on our issues. While treatment goals are important to establish, it is also important to keep in mind that therapy is exploratory in that there is rarely a fixed answer or piece of insight that does not have layers of nuance, context, and history behind it that keeps it mutable and open to continued evolution. In ethical terms, therapists should exert caution when issuing directives, as the aim of therapy is to foster the patients’ ability to gain their own insight, come to their own determinations, and empower them to exert their autonomy.

Change takes time, and it lacks meaning unless we take the time to get to know ourselves and decide to embark on the process towards it. A therapist does not necessarily serve as an authority to provide solutions that will suddenly make our problems better, but as a companion who can help us in the process of understanding ourselves and hold us accountable to the commitment of our self-reflection. In gaining a more thorough understanding of ourselves, we can live more authentically.

Below are three questions I’ve asked in client sessions lately to assist clients in such exploration:

1. Is there a particular thought or feeling that comes up for you that would be helpful to unpack? – Sometimes, a patient enters the relaying a variety of events that occurred throughout the week. To focus the session or find an underlying thread, I have used this inquiry to offer the patients the agency to speak about something more in-depth that they find curious, based upon what they’ve discussed, as opposed to imposing my own prioritization of the topics brought up during the session. This question also allows the patient to slow down and take a deeper look at their thoughts and feelings throughout the week upon landing on a question or musing that we can work through.

2. How do you feel/how did that make you feel? – Asking patients how they feel, whether checking in on the patient during the session or inquiring about a certain event, can help individuals become more attuned with their feelings. Emotional attunement can help us identify our feelings in any given moment, which helps us understand their influence over our decisions and create more space between feeling and reaction.

3. What does your inner voice sound like? Does it remind you of anyone? - Patients can have a strong internal voice, which sometimes even feels like a separate entity apart from ourselves, that results in self-criticism or perfectionism. This voice can be scary and demanding, and our defense mechanism might be to suppress or distract ourselves from it. However, developing a relationship with this voice can shine a light on its darkest corners so that its hold over our life can exert less power. While this voice is technically invisible to the naked eye and inside our mind, it can be a powerful exercise to think about who the speaker of this voice looks like, along with reflecting upon how does the voice operate, what are its goals, or how it came to be.