Your Guide to Surviving Holiday Stressors
Everyone knows that the holidays can bring feelings of warmth or togetherness. But, for some, these traditions also bring up feelings of overwhelm and resentment. Knowing yourself and your limits can keep holiday stress at bay, and these are just 5 ways to manage that stress.
1. Keep Your Routine
Tough love; I know that it feels like we live at the airport during holidays and long stretches of time off from work. Time and calories don’t matter. And while it’s important to enjoy and indulge in everything the holidays have to offer, we probably don’t need to do all of it. The day after Christmas is just a Thursday. What are you usually doing on a Thursday? Going for a walk? Cooking a healthy meal? Do some of that. Oh, and I may be biased here, but unless your therapist is taking time off, please keep your therapy appointment. Taking the whole month of December off from therapy because of holiday stress is a little contradictory.
2. Say “No” to a Few Things
Just because you have the time to commit to every gathering you’re invited to doesn’t mean you have to go! Go to the ones that matter, and politely decline the ones you know in your gut that you will regret attending. A polite decline, by the way, is a much kinder strategy than cancelling at the last minute with a made up excuse. They know you’re making it up, we all know. Just be direct. Family might need extra help running errands, setting up, etc., and if you need time for yourself, take it and offer a simple solution for how this task can get done in an easier way. Is it tradition to pick up the dessert from the bakery on Christmas Eve during a snowstorm and terrible traffic? Yes. Is it necessary? Probably not.
3. Create Financial Boundaries
The holidays are expensive. Gift giving has become a competitive sport between families and family members. It’s very easy to get swept up in the tit-for-tat gift giving experience, but if you can’t financially afford this, just say it. If it’s too late for this year, start planting seeds for next year about how to pare down and be honest about your needs. Boundaries around finances are difficult depending on our relationship with money and what money represents in families, especially during the holidays.
4. Reflect on Your Loneliness
Even if you spend time with loved ones during the holidays, this time of year can be very lonely. A lot of holidays throughout the year are barometers for time passing. It can feel sad, nostalgic, and make us miss old times and people who are no longer with us. Talking about it helps. Ask your family to tell a story about their favorite holiday memory. If you spend the holidays alone, please reflect on your expectations about how you think you should feel right now. Christmas movies are fun, but mostly because they are hoaky and predictable and cut down on our anxiety! No one’s family is perfect no matter what they say or post on social media. So do what you would want others to do for you or what you would tell someone else who is feeling alone, whether that’s reaching out to chat or finally watching that series everyone has been talking about.
5. Navigate Family Conflict
With everyone gathered in one place, certain conflicts are bound to come up. Set your expectations for these more well-known conflicts in your particular family. What won’t you be surprised by? Plan for how you’ll react to that. After all, you cannot control others’ actions or comments, but you can control how you respond. Some feel that because they’re visiting, they need to be the peacekeeper, or the one who mitigates these arguments, mostly out of guilt for not always being there. Is that still your role? What would happen if you didn’t engage?
