Is Your Inner Chatter Making You Feel Better or Worse?
Have you ever found yourself dwelling on your feelings, problems, the latest personal disaster, or that little thing you hate about yourself…over and over again? You may be asking yourself, “What made me do such a thing?” “I can’t believe I said that. Everyone must think I’m terrible!” Or “What if I never get this right?” You can be bothered by trivial mistakes and slowly turn it into a bona fide catastrophe. You may feel “stuck” in the circle of negative thoughts with no end in sight.
These are the signs of rumination. When you ruminate, you are focused on negative thoughts and feelings. You are repeatedly telling yourself stories rife with hopelessness, criticism, and shame. Rumination does not lead to solutions or personal growth. If it persists for a long period, you may experience intense negative emotions. It can become overwhelming when you feel like your mind is constantly racing and it’s impossible to turn the volume down on your negative thoughts.
Why do we ruminate?
● Stressful life events: Breakups, burnout, job loss can make you prone to rumination.
● Mental health conditions: Depression and anxiety can make rumination worse or hard to turn off negative thinking.
● Self-control: Though it may seem counterintuitive, rumination can also be a way to have some sense of control over difficult situations. You are making sense of an experience in your own way so that things feel less uncertain. Your story can also help you stay within your comfort zone so you don’t need to take a risk and make changes.
Breaking out of rumination
Rumination is a normal experience for all of us and we can all learn to reduce its frequency or interrupt it. With practice, you may become better at catching yourself and turn the volume down in ways that work for you. Here are ways to shift your focus and distract yourself from overthinking:
● Engage in Activities: Do something to take your mind off the negative thoughts. This could be exercise, listening to music, spending time outside, or working on a hobby.
● Practice Relaxation Techniques: Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation can help calm your mind and body.
● Challenge Yourself with a Task: Focus on a specific task that requires your concentration, like a puzzle, writing, or cleaning.
Looking towards the future
Reflection comes from the curiosity and desire to better understand your experiences. Reflection doesn’t necessarily take sides, but can approach an experience from multiple perspectives. Reflection recognizes the complexity of your experience by shedding light evenly on a myriad of thoughts and emotions, instead of focusing only on negative ones. Here are some ways you can reflect on your own thoughts and actions:
● Ask Reflective Questions: Ask yourself questions that promote reflection, such as, “What can I learn from this experience?” “What are things I can do differently?” And “What is not in my control?”
● Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you identify patterns and move towards a more reflective state.
● Seeking support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what’s going on. Therapy is a safe space for reflection where you can be honest with yourself without judgment. A therapist may ask questions to help you dig deeper and offer fresh insights or perspectives. They can also help you to develop your reflective skills.
