3 Ways to Boost Your Confidence
A lot of people that start therapy note that they struggle with confidence. To some, this might mean speaking up at work about a promotion, and for others that might mean leaving the house without makeup on.
The American Psychological Association defines self-confidence as "a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.” I think about it as the trust in yourself that things will work out, that you'll have a sense of agency in your life, or control over the outcomes. Having less self confidence can lead to inaction and feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, depression.
Confidence means something different to everyone, but what is it? And how can we increase confidence?
Embrace the “probably.”
What if I do this thing and I look stupid? What if I say this to my boss and it completely backfires? It probably won't! When we catastrophize, we imagine the worst case scenario. Most of the time this doesn't happen. Trying is what's important in building confidence, so if you tell yourself that probably it will work out, you're more likely to try (and then have the confidence to try again).
2. Change your black and white self talk
When we think in absolutes, it is usually because ambivalence scares us. Being in the gray feels less certain, less safe, less like we have the answer. Practicing being uncomfortable starts with your self-talk. I will sound so stupid if I pitch that idea at work can become, “I don't feel 100% about this idea, but it's pretty good and I'd like to get some feedback about it.” “I can't be around sweets because I act like an idiot!” can become “It's hard for me to control myself around sweets, so most of the time I limit them.” By using absolute language in an attempt to control yourself, you're actually predicting the future of when that dessert inevitably gets put out at a party. When you're brave enough to not be so rigid about outcomes, you build confidence. And conversely, your confidence may take a hit when stories you tell yourself become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. Think of tomorrow you
Tomorrow you is determined by today you. Set them up for success. Getting to bed a little earlier because you know you'll be happy you did builds self-confidence and trust to take care of yourself. Who better to come to realize you can trust but yesterday you?
Self confidence is a really complicated thing. Most of us have to use the tools above in addition to exploring the deeper issues behind your lack of self-confidence. Understanding how far back having little confidence goes and talking about what models you had for self-confidence gives us a lot of information about how to empathize with the version of you that thinks so little of themself.
