What Self-Care is, and What It Isn’t.

People love talking about self-care. You'll see a Instagram story of a piece of chocolate cake with the hashtag #selfcare! Or someone else will tell you about the very expensive boots they just bought, claiming they needed a "little treat." And although cake and shopping aren't bad in any way whatsoever, are they self-care?

What self care is and what it isn't.

When I talk about self care in therapy, I'm often asking what your future self will be happy you did right now. There's a difference between strategic, intentional actions and a dopamine hit. Could they be both? Of course! But for our purposes, let's review some intentional self-care strategies:

Sleep/Hydration/Nutrition/Movement

These seem rather obvious, I know. But until these what I call “big rocks” are in place, please don’t expect one session of acupuncture or the newest popular supplement to fix what you’ve been neglecting for awhile. Go to sleep, drink water, eat well, and move your body. There are no supplements for these things (besides-supplements in any form are meant to supplement!).

Boundaries

Protecting your emotional and mental health requires that you protect your time and resources. Just because you're not working does not make you available to your boss, for example. This, in my opinion, is the foundation of self care. Nedra Glover Tawaab is the QUEEN of boundaries, I highly recommend her work if you’re looking for ways to start setting boundaries today.

Keeping your word to yourself

If you made a promise to yourself, keep it! If you would like to be better about taking a walk in the morning before starting work for the day, do it. Consistency is key, and that's up to you. 

All of those other things

Yes, massages and shopping and very tasty food or cocktails are amazing, but try to set your expectations for what this will do and what it won't do for you. If you tend to be fun-less, then of course incorporating these things would be taking care of yourself! But the self care in this usually lies on giving it to yourself rather than the thing itself. 

When it comes down to it, self-care is about trust. Trusting that brick by brick, choice by choice, you are trustworthy enough to take care of yourself. You may not like or even enjoy it in the moment, but your future self will be happy you did.